Living with chronic illness sucks!

So yesterday I had my first day of IVIG infusions. I’ll be doing them 4 days in a row every 4 weeks. They take about 6 hours each. After the infusion, I went home and laid down with my doggie, Dallas. I was having some side effects; headache, body aches and overall fatigue. So, the Hubby gets home around 5pm. He heats me up some left over chili that I made the day before, then proceeds to watch tv for a bit, and goes to bed. I thought he was going to take the dog out for his last potty break at 10pm, but that didn’t happen.

At 10pm, I get up to take the dog out. I’m still not feeling very good, but he has to go out, and my son isn’t home this week, so I get up to do it myself.( I live upstairs, by the way, so I have to climb stairs. Not fun to do with lupus, let along after an infusion.)After taking the dog out, which took 20 minutes, I go back inside my apartment to close the blinds and lock up, and find the kitchen a mess. Tons of dishes in the sick, counters a mess, etc. I really don’t feel like doing dishes, but I don’t like to wake up to messes, so I clean the kitchen myself. As I’m going back to my room, the husband wakes up, and I thank him for not doing the dishes. He gets all pissed at me telling me he’s tired and whatnot. Fuck it! I just go to bed.

This morning, he proceeds to tell me that he’s tired of me being sick, not able to work, and how he’s wasted the last 10 years of his life taking care of me. He said he’s tired of not being able to go out and do things, as I’m not able to go all the time, and that he’s missed out on so much. I remind him that when he came back into my life 10 years ago, I was upfront with him and told him I was sick. He proceeds to tell me how his boss, who also has lupus, continues to work, is able to do a lot of stuff, and is able to manage all the employees. Now, we all know that lupus affects everyone differently, but all he sees is that she’s super sick and can still work and do stuff.

So today when he gets home from work, he says he’s not going to make me dinner, take the dog out, or anything else around the house, or for me. I said okay. I’m a mom who raised all 4 of her kids all by myself. I worked full time, went to school full time, and still came home and took care of my kids, and home. I can do it all, if I have to, but it would be nice to have my husband want to take care of me.

While I was at my infusion today, I get a text from him asking me how things were going. I told him that I didn’t have anything to say, that I don’t want to burden him with my illness anymore, and that I was hoping he was having a nice day. I just don’t have anything to say to him. He said enough this morning to last a lifetime.

Well, my infusion is almost done for today. 45 more minutes for day 2. Another one again tomorrow. I’m going to go home, take the dog out, then lay down for a little while. I’m so tired from this infusion. The headache is throbbing today.

I hope everyone else is having a better day then I am.


2 thoughts on “Living with chronic illness sucks!

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