I’ve been trying to write this post for several days. My emotions have been all over the place, and I’m just not sure how I’m going to make it through this post. Well, here goes…
Last weekend, my husband told me he wants a divorce. This isn’t the first time he’s told me this, but this time he seemed much more serious. He said he’s very unhappy, and has been for quite some time. I’ve known he’s been unhappy. I can see it in him. I’ve seen it for at least 3 years. In 2013, he was having an emotional affair with a coworker. There were texts, calls and emails, but he said he never cheated. That’s cheating to me, but that’s a whole other blog post. Anyway, I fought hard to save my marriage, he got a job elsewhere, and we moved farther away. I thought things were getting better, but I guess in reality, things never got better. He’s just not happy. He’s changed, and I can see it.
I can also feel it. I don’t feel the love from him like I used to. I know my chronic illness has gotten in the way, and has gotten the best of our marriage. Since I haven’t been able to work since 2009, we’ve struggled on and off in our marriage. He used to love me so much. I could feel it 24 hours a day. He was so attentive, loving and kind all the time. He had me up on a pedestal. There were texts and handwritten letters from him constantly, date nights, and trips down memory lane. Let me give you the backstory.
We’ll be married 8 years on July 5th, and a total of 10 years together. We were high school sweethearts. Huh? I know you’re confused right now. Let me explain. We were together in high school for 4 months. I know, that’s not a long time, but to me, he was the love of my life. I cried for 2 years after we broke up. No joke! After high school, we went our separate ways, got married to different people, and didn’t speak or see each other for 20 years. Then in 2006, with the help of social media, he found me and got in touch with me. He said he’d always thought about me, and that I was the one that got away. We’ve been together ever since.
So now, present day, this is where we’re at… Divorce! I don’t want it. I love him with all my heart. I’ve always loved him. Right now, I don’t even know what to think or say. I’m hurt. I thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives. I figured that since we got back together after 20 years apart, that we were meant to be together. I mean, who really gets back together after so long apart. It hardly ever happens, right?
Anyway, I’ll update this post as time goes on. I know I’m going to have a lot more emotions as the days and weeks go on. Pray for me!